As an interior designer for the past 35 years, I have had the opportunity to help baby boomers design their first, second and even third homes, their beach houses, mountain retreats, and country cottages. I’ve helped them upsize to larger and larger homes (because that’s what baby boomers did!), and now, at this stage of life, baby boomers are deciding whether to age-in-place, right-size or downsize.
The irony is,
for years I helped my clients upsize and buy more stuff. Now they need help
with downsizing, decluttering and getting rid of all of the stuff they
accumulated or inherited.
Many baby
boomers continue to hold onto the idea that more is better. They struggle with
letting go of the big house they raised their children in, the memories made
around their kitchen table, and the beautiful things they’ve collected over
years.
Yet, many
other boomers are excited about giving all of that up and moving to a smaller,
more manageable home that gives them the opportunity to experience a simpler
life with less stuff so they can finally enjoy their heard earned freedom.
But what happens when one spouse wants to stay in the big house and the
other wants to downsize?
Downsizing Is a Matter of Choice
This might
sound like an impossible scenario where one partner will inevitably get what
he/she wants and the other will have to sacrifice their own wants and needs. But it doesn’t have to be that way!
Throughout
my career, I’ve found myself in the middle of these sometimes heated and very
lively conversations, but I have learned to embrace the role of middleman so I
can help both parties win together.
To begin, all couples should know they can “have it all.” All they have
to do is figure out what “having it all” means to them and then determine what
compromises each spouse is willing to make.
As a third
party, I’m not tied to the emotional aspects of the decision, but by walking
them through a series of well-developed questions I can assist them in moving
the discussion forward to a win/win conclusion.
For
couples who find it difficult to come to a decision together, these top 7 tips may
well diffuse the downsizing battle.
Hear Others’ Stories
As a rule, it’s never good to only discuss the matter between yourselves.
Talk with family, friends, and colleagues who have successfully downsized,
right-sized, or have chosen to age-in-place.
Gather
information and learn as much as you can from their experience. Ask them:
- What were their experiences, both good and
bad? - How did they come to their conclusion?
- What were some of the obstacles/fears they
faced? How did they overcome them? - Are they happy with their decision?
- If they could recommend one thing to assist in
the decision making process, what might it be?
Talk It Out
Determine and discuss all the reasons why one partner wants to stay and
why the other one wants to go. Each should list:
- Their reasons for wanting
to stay (memories, neighborhood) or move (more freedom, less stress, new
lifestyle). - Their reasons for
not wanting to move (fear or change and of the unknown) or not wanting to stay
(difficulty managing around, inability to utilize the space, higher expenses). - Their questions and concerns and share them with
their partner. - What past experiences, both good and bad,
might be influencing their thinking. - Which areas they are willing to compromise and
which they are not.
Know What You Want
Before you step into the process of moving, create a vision for your new
lifestyle. What will your new life look like if you downsize? What will it look
like if you stay in your old home?
Are there similarities between your vision and that of your spouse? Which
areas could you compromise on, i.e., declutter first, rent a smaller place for
a short period of time, etc.
Do Your Due Diligence
Once you
have all the answers figured out, weigh the pros and cons of downsizing or not
downsizing. Don’t forget to analyze the costs associated with
- staying in your existing home (i.e., roof
replacement, home maintenance, renovation for aging-in-place). - moving (i.e. buying, renting, moving costs).
Prototype and Try Different Lifestyles
Whatever
your decision, don’t go all in right away. Dip your toe in the water. Experiment
with living in various places that you are curious about by planning a several weeks
long vacation to see if you would like it or not (i.e. city living, community
living, living near family). Most of all, have fun!
Rent for a Period of Time
Keep your
options open. Having a limited time commitment (i.e. renting for a few months)
will help allay your fear of making a change that one or both might regret.
Phase Your Decision by Decluttering Your Existing Home First
Have the
experience of living with less by editing and decluttering your existing home
before you make the decision to downsize.
Sell,
donate and consign items that no longer serve a purpose or that you no longer
want. You may decide to stay a while longer or you might decide to take the
next big step and downsize.
The best
advice to diffuse the dueling downsizing battle is to keep an open mind and
communicate your thoughts by sharing your concerns, as well as, your hopes and
dreams. In the end, what matters most is opening up the conversation to discuss
how you both can design a new life you will love together.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What
appears most difficult when considering downsizing? If you had to make that
decision, would there be mutual agreement? How do you go about compromising
with your spouse? Please share with our audience!
